We're golfers - not terrorists!


Another milestone has now been passed – we are now less than 100 days from the annual Majorca beano. In fact, as I write this we are only 89 days away (85 if you let Jimmy Elliott count them). As always, the weeks will fly by and the day will arrive without warning – one morning you’ll be getting up for work, the next you’ll be dragging your golf clubs off to the airport (Just like a typical week for Derek really!). The airport is likely to be even more of a nightmare this time, due to the recent terrorist activity at Glasgow. We will be turning up in a big van that has an Asian driver and a load of passengers dressed in bright orange clothing (Thanks Quent!) looking like we’ve escaped from Guantanamo Bay – We’ll be lucky if we get anywhere near the terminal entrance!! I’m not looking forward to spending my birthday with some explosives-trained Alsatian sniffing round my bollocks thanks. Leeds Airport has not escaped the attention of the terrorists either. Apparently police there have apprehended three university lecturers who they believed belonged to the Al-gebra group. On opening their brief cases they were found to be carrying weapons of maths instruction. (I’ll get my coat….) Our return via Palma Airport is not likely to be a pleasant one either. Especially if certain members of our party are recognised; in particular Bin-Shanking, Bin-Slicing, Amin Sumtrees, and of course, Mustapha Krap. I suppose we should just try to keep our heads down, but we’ll have already spent six rounds of golf failing to do just that. Going back to the subject of our orange shirts, we should be thankful we’re flying Monarch and not EasyJet, as we could have spent the entire flight being asked to fetch coffee, pillows and sick bags, and being told the standard of Airline stewards has dropped these days.

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