An apology (-ish)


Some time ago I had a bit of a dig at our Friends across the Atlantic with regard to their obesity and lack of sense. My knowledge was of course based on common perception, and memories of my last visits to the Yooessaay in the late Nineties, therefore I thought it only right to offer an updated second opinion. As you are probably aware, Quent and Myself have recently returned from Florida, where we managed to take in a couple of rounds of golf. It is on the basis of these rounds that I would like to alter my opinion of the United States. The first course we played (Highlands Reserve) allowed us to turn up without a booking, play a lovely 18 holes with a buggy (I refuse to use the American ‘Cart’ as that term is reserved for shopping trolleys), using top quality rented clubs. For all this, and a first class caddymaster service, the course relieved us of approximately £30. The second course (Champions Gate) was much higher up the class ladder. Due to America’s ambiguous road signage, it was better hidden than Josef Fritzl’s daughter, which left us 10 minutes late for our tee-time. There were no complaints from the Golf Club however, in fact, they still encouraged us to knock a few free balls up the practice area before teeing off. As the headquarters of David Leadbetter’s Academy, you expect a decent course, but this was way above expectation. From the valet parking and complimentary presentation pack containing half a dozen logoed Callaways and brass pitch repair tool, to the fully interactive gps system in the buggy which allowed us to pre-order our après-round drinks and snacks whilst parked at the 17th tee, everything was first class. For this experience we stumped up around £65, which was further reduced due to the $10 voucher we received to use in the restaurant or shop. Ok, so the point I’m making is that The US offers us far superior golf for far, far less money than we’d pay to play somewhere like Royal Lytham, where we’d be looked down upon by the members and followed from hole to hole by a snotty Marshall ensuring we didn’t break into a smile on his precious fairways. All this begs the question; Have I changed my opinion on the Yanks? Well, if they were to invest in some decent British tracks and introduce that same level of value and service they would make a fortune, yet they haven’t spotted the gap in the market. For me, that reinforces my belief that they have indeed no common sense, as they are the absolute Masters of customer service, yet have little wish to use it to their advantage over here. That makes them very stupid. Oh yes, and they still appear in the main to be fat. Very fat. As we approach the June Cup (July!), it would appear that some of our members are coming into a bit of form. Derek’s recent Ireland tour resulted in him winning every day but one, whilst Ronan will be hoping to retain the June Cup after winning the Rabbits comp at Marsden on the same day that Quent managed a very commendable 64 and Jimmy Elliott a great 67 in the Monthly Medal at Werneth. While confidence is running high amongst those guys, I have a suspicion that the better golf will come from one who has had a short break from the game, and has not had to think about his swing, stance or putting strength for a couple of weeks – Step forward Graham. El errático has recharged his batteries swigging Corona and eating tacos for the last fortnight, with the only competitive act being his nightly farting competition with the wife. I’d say he is in perfect frame of mind to take the June Cup – Unless of course, Duxbury Park is devoid of ponds, bunkers, boundaries and trees, then I would have to feel I was in with a chance.

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