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Lessons Learned...

There it was - gone in a flash again. Majorca week flew by once more leaving us with a few happy memories, and one or two lessons learned.

What did we learn then? Firstly, never EVER put anything near Ken Shadford’s mouth unless you want it to disappear. This guy is a phenomenal consumer of food, devouring the biggest breakfast available every day with a side order of a teacake to mop his plate afterwards. It is no surprise that he gained a whopping 11 lbs during the week. We also learned that Bob and booze don’t mix (Did I not tell you he would fall and graze his head? It happens every time he gets past the six pint mark), and that Neil should not be trusted to order the after-meal drinks. OK, that’s the new boys covered, so what about the regulars? Well, all Derek’s Pink Jacket talk was just that - all talk, Jimmy Elliott buys his shirts from campsailorboys’r’us and Graham can terrorise hotel guests with a golf ball from 200 metres in any direction. Quent prefers to eat off his knee rather than the table (Literally), Ashey cannot sit in a car for more than 3 minutes without breaking wind violently and Jim Wilson has been practicing more than he is letting on (Bandit!). Brian had clearly bought new shoes for the 2006 tour as he failed to accomplish his trademark trip on Magaluf’s avenues even once this year. In fact, so famous have his try-scoring trip-ups become that even the Security staff at Manchester Airport asked him to remove his shoes so they could inspect the offending articles. The lesson I learned was to never shut my eyes at all whilst in the presence of tooled-up Thugs. When I say tooled-up I mean those bloody camera phones. It seems I am no longer the tour photographer, and revenge is being taken for all those pics I have taken of Tired Teds over the years. A unanimous decision was made to award the Ted award to me based on a few grainy photos despite the fact that I have many quality photos of everyone elsenapping on duty, but, I understand how sweet revenge can be and I accept that those who live by the sword (or camera) will often die by it. Those responsible would do well to remember that next year! I had intended to scrap the TT award this year due to lack of interest but you wouldn’t let me do that now (Would you??). Ah well! It’s one more title closer to the full set I suppose.

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