That competitive streak..
Less than 30 days to go for our annual Majorca trip and the competitive edge of some people is now beginning to poke through to the surface. It seems almost everyone is trying to cram in as much practice as they can this year in order to try the Pink Jacket over their shoulders. Derek appears to be in danger of a pressure-induced breakdown, so keen is he to win in Majorca. Not only has he been playing up to five times a week, but he has also stooped to trying to gain a psychological advantage by voting for himself in the website’s “Who will win the Pink Jacket” mini poll. If that isn’t sad enough he’s even had friends in Jersey and also his wife vote for him too (It didn’t go unnoticed Derek)! Ashey has surprised everyone by playing in the rain a couple of Fridays ago so desperate is he for practice (See Ash – You didn’t dissolve after all) and even Neil has weighed up the opposition by turning out for the Friday Knock. Jimmy Elliott on the other hand is keeping his cards close to his chest. Being a man of leisure he can sneak down to the Golf Club anytime he likes and grab a few holes practice – which I suspect is exactly what he has been doing, and is quietly confident of adding the PJ to his wardrobe. Quent has been away for a couple of weeks and will be eager to swing the clubs, particularly after the Invitation Day at Werneth was abandoned due to a heavily waterlogged course (Personally I don’t see the problem- I’m used to my ball being in water). I suspect every opportunity to play in the next 4 weeks will be grabbed by QC. Having already played in Majorca last month, I think I may have a slight advantage on the course conditions side of things – After 18 holes at Vall D’Or I reckon I’m now a master at getting out of the Mallorcan bunkers and rough!
On the social side of THUGS ’06, our three debutants all have the distinction of unusual facial features. Neil has one of those goatees that looks like a transplant from under his armpit failed to take properly, Ken has a permanently confused look on his face and though Bob’s face is fairly featureless at the moment, it is guaranteed that on his first night he will get pissed, fall flat on his face and spend the remainder of the week nursing a scar across his nose. Like the rising of the sun it is a certainty. Neil has mentioned he prefers vodka to San Miguel – I’m sure we’ll all remember that in a noisy bar when we get a round in won’t we? –“10 San Miguels and a vodka with orange please”, “Que?”, “10 San Miguels and a vodka with orange please”, “Que?”, “11 San Miguels please”, “Si”.
I must be the only person who takes an 8 iron for 150 yds and a 7 iron for 140 yds. The problem is my 7 iron ‘broke’ (My knee was nowhere near it I assure you) during a recent round and Paul Fenton kindly offered to take it in for repair for me while I was on holiday. Due to me being more Peter Crouch than Dennis Wise, my shafts are 2 inches longer than standard but I forgot to mention this to Paul (Had I gone in the shop myself they would have known this as I am their best re-shaft customer) so I now have a 7 iron shorter than my 9.
Talking of Crouchy, which Premiership footballer…….. ? No, sorry, I’ll save that one and the others for round the table in Majorca.
Sept 4th edit; Neil has quite rightly taken offence at this article due to the fact he no longer has a goatee beard and hasn’t had one since 2005. He actually now has just ‘a big fat head’ (His words). I would like to take the opportunity to apologise for not noticing this, but must add that it is not easy to spot when his head is so far up his own arse! Please feel free to complain at any time about anything I might write about you and I promise to address the complaint accordingly.